Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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