Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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