I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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