I wannas sexs uuuuu
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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