if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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