Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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