shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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