Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i think my cat just said my name.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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