Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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