Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
