I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
