Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize