would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
