we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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