I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
