we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
