my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
