I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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