Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
