i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize