I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
