I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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