Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
