Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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