Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
