based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
