apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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