i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
