wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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