I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
