at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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