his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
