Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
