I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
