Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
