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So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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