covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
