I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
