Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
