Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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