Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
one two three fourrrrnication!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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