I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
