i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
