My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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