I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
