No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
