Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
