Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
