she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize