Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
