he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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