So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
