He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
