I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
