she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
