He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
