We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
