a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
