I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
