Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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