pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
