I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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