we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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