just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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