how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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