fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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